A few words about renewal.
As we pass from 2017 to 2018 and I reflect and anticipate, this is where my dreams of 2018 actually began. These are the words, the ‘souvenirs’ I brought home from Mexico.
And it seemed fitting to start my new blog and new year at the beginning.
Dust shades brown, dry riverbeds, snake canyons,
golden sand, azure-blue water,
I anticipate the day ahead through the small square window of the jet plane. Soon we will be walking this foreign land. Soon we will feel the heat of the sun on our skin, the sand between our toes, the ocean waves lapping against our bodies. Baja California Sur stretches out below us.
For Brian’s birthday last year, I surprised him with a trip to Mexico. I purchased plane tickets, rented a car and found a one-room casita in Todos Santos with an outdoor kitchen on a 25-acre mango farm for us to stay. The only thing I planned after that, go to the beach every day.
He was less than surprised by my gift. We are so different that way. If he would have given me this, I would have been crazy with excitement. We almost didn’t go. WOW. This is marriage. I am so glad he finally decided to go, I mean, honestly? I was ready to go alone if he chose not to go. Just a testimony to the fact that you can stay married even when only one of you wants to go to Mexico. I will say, in his defense, he had less than a week to prepare for something he had no idea was coming, and once he decided to go, it was great.
Mexico becomes me.
Before bed tonight, I took a walk around the farm, alone. The moon shed a white glow on the path and the stars spread across the sky like silver glitter. I stopped to listen to the neighbors playing acoustic music on their front porch, waves crashing against the not so distant shore, and the music, it all seemed to float and settle into my soul.
I feel alive here. Connected, grounded.
My heart has been in pieces for so long, this, this, oh this is what my heart needs. I am well here. I could spend the rest of my life here.
Waves sound like thunder during the night.
Our casita, nothing more than a tile thatch roof between us and the stars of heaven. Heart pounding, I feel small and vulnerable enclosed in a fine mesh tent, extending from the ceiling draping around the queen size bed to the floor. I hear thunder and wonder if it’s going to rain and realize it isn’t thunder, it’s the waves pounding the shore, even though they are a mile away, they sound like they are at our doorstep. Untamable, raw power. My heart pounds the waves against my chest and I barely breathe. Feeling exposed, they remind me, I am not in control. Somehow being in a foreign land leaves me feeling vulnerable.
I remind myself, there is One who controls these waves and all the waves. There is One who’s power is greater and I begin to rest, remembering, I am His and He is mine. My heart settles and I sleep in sweet peace in the land of my heart.
This life is given and taken.
I am only a recipient of time.
Time seems to moves slow here. I cherish each moment, moving slow is a gift. I catch my breath here. Time to think, time to rest, I find the rhythm of my soul in Mexico. I can breathe deep here. My feet feel the earth. I am renewed. This is my place of renewal. Spirit, soul, and body. I begin to dream of the future, spirit, soul and body is born in me. I think about writing again, and wellness, and the boundaries of whole.
We are in a foreign land and I’ve never felt more at home in my life.
One thing I vow to bring home with me. Time.
We fall asleep to the song of the neighborhood dogs and the sweet rhythm of the crickets. The neighborhood rooster wakes us and with the sunrise comes the sweet song of the mourning doves. It is quiet here. The chatter of the world is silenced. I vow to hold this peace close when I go home. To remember the songs and rhythms of life unplugged.
We are greeted each morning with tails wagging as the resident rescued dogs find us sitting on the porch, sipping steaming mugs of coffee.They escort us around the farm during the day, sleep on our porch in the afternoon heat, and lay at our feet in the evening.
They walk tall, run in circles, and smile as they escort us around the farm. Each rescued from a life unloved.
I am reminded of the new life I was given when I was rescued from darkness and given freedom and forgiveness. Am I walking tall, running in circles and smiling? I know I once was, but this world has broken my heart and left me scarred. I am re-mind-ed here. My mind is reset. I am loved. My heart remembers.
Grounded. Balanced. Slow. Re- member-ed. Put back together, made whole. Connected to the life force. My mind is reset. My heart is open. The future lays out before me and I begin to walk into it — barefoot.
Happy New Year.
(spirit, soul and body)
I’m starting something amazing this year and I would love for you to join me. I read the Bible cover to cover for the first time in 2017. It was such a great experience that I am doing it again in 2018. This time I would like you to join me! You can read more about my plan here:
All my love, always.